Ellipses, Aug 8… You have to lose yourself to find yourself. Right?

Ellipses… Issue #49

Ellipses… a small, special character. Used by writers to slow down, create a pause, and indicate thinking.

⚫️ 1 thought: The past-self protocol 🪶

2 years dragged since I lived in a well-oiled creative state. In this morning’s journaling session, I tried to uncover what worked so well for me in 2022, back when I felt creative and hopeful. A now-foreign feeling. My daily life and habits looked like this:

• I read these notable books: The Bullet Journal Method, Untamed, and Quiet. I was probably skimming The Artist’s Way again.

• My diet was (mostly) clean. Easy, considering I worked for a metabolic health company.

• I made bank, and I hired my village to prove it. Think: Help with cleaning and at-home childcare with drop-offs and pick-ups.

• I ran almost daily. (Curious, considering I just learned that Women of a Certain Age shouldn’t train in steady cardio state.)

• I felt so great that I cut out my antidepressant. Not something I’d recommend now to myself or others.

What I produced in that environment:

• I wrote with voracity between Morning Pages and a daily writing program that forced 250-word essays out of me.

• I brainstormed ideas for my business and writing practice on the regular. Pages of promise and hope.

• My bullet journal showed a flurry of doodles. I was having fun, and those little kawaii illustrations reflected my positive inner state.

  

  A spread from my 2022 bullet journal

All of this changed when we made a life-changing financial decision, which seemed to cause the rest of our pillars of life to fall like dominos. Multiple job losses. Months of dual unemployment. Relying on credit cards to survive. And then debilitating health conditions on top of all of it, probably from a result of all the stress.

Finally, our landscape changed. We now find ourselves on the up-and-up.

But I learned I can’t expect my creative pursuits to kick into full gear while our new foundation dries beneath our feet.

Maybe the 2-year lull will cause me to come back stronger than before. Maybe I had to lose myself in order to find myself.

In the meantime, I’ll follow my own protocol for what seemed like a good recipe for that creatively prolific year:

• Sleep well.

• Eat for my brain health.

• Stay patient to produce 3 full Morning Pages.

• Stay gainfully employed. And medicated.

• Run, despite new advice against it for 40-something women.

• Read. But pick stuff carefully for inspiration; avoid intimidation.

⚫️ 1 link: That podcast that told me not to run

On the brink of perimenopause (the surprise 10-years of pre-menopause that no one talks about), it turns out that not only are we supposed to lift weights, but we’re also supposed to avoid zone-2 cardio training. Oh—and also—intermittent fasting is bad for women. Excuse me while my entire fitness world implodes.

In case you’re also in your perimenopausal years, I recommend listening to Dr. Stacy Sims on the Huberman podcast to learn about new research in women’s health and fitness. Since most research of yore focuses on male cells. Great.

⚫️ 1 journal prompt: What’s something you can pull from your past life to benefit you today?

Lately and too often, I’ve heard the saying: Looking into the past causes depression, and looking into the future causes anxiety.

I beg to differ. We can learn things from our past selves, right? I mean, I sure hope that implementing a past-life protocol won’t direct me into a dumpster fire.

What is something you can pull from your past self that will serve you today in terms of contentment, a positive mindset, or better health?

Be safe and well,

🖤 Jenny