Avoidance, 54321 daily reflections, + seeking discomfort

Ellipses, Jan 25… Issue #40

Ellipses… a small, special character. Used by writers to slow down, create a pause, and indicate thinking.

⚫️ 1 tip: Seek discomfort, even when not forced 🪶

We get comfortable so fast. We take days without question, going through the motions, sifting through the monotony of life.

For several months, I woke up to my fully remote job and shuttled the kids off to school. I pushed myself into deep work blocks, working as efficiently as I could, smiling every time I went outside for a midday run—because I could. I set my own schedule and was able to support our family by myself. I dabbled in my personal work but didn’t take it too seriously, because things were cushy and I didn’t want to burn out.

But then—BAM. I was laid off from my job a couple of weeks ago. Remember that dream job, that I was hoping would be my forever job? Not so much. Friday is my last day, so I’ve had 3 weeks of transition mode, with not a lot to do. During this time, I questioned my self-worth. My career path. My skills and abilities. My beliefs. My values. All of the above. It’s the perfect storm for a daily existential crisis.

I’m not advising exposing yourself to fear and financial instability. But, it begs the question:

Why does it take us until a big shake-up—whether that’s a layoff or a global pandemic—to re-evaluate what really matters to us? How can we find this sense of reflection more often: Yearly? Quarterly? Monthly? Weekly?

In the end, I know the trajectory with my job happened for a reason. It’s a blessing to be uprooted. I’m just waiting until the reason becomes clear 🦗

⚫️ 1 link: Why we avoid things 🔗

Avoidance runs parallel to our unwillingness to reflect… maybe we don’t reflect as often as we think we should because there’s a sense of fear that we won’t like what we discover.

This episode from Unf*ck Your Brain by Kara Loewentheil talks all about avoidance—which is different from procrastination—and how we can use cognitive-behavioral therapy to get past avoidance. It’s from 2017, but still very applicable and worth the 15 minutes.

⚫️ 1 journal prompt: Try the 54321 daily reflections 📔

I still do morning pages every day on my iPad in Notability. I find joy in handwriting on my iPad—who knows why—but it really does it for me. (Okay, sometimes it ends up being a single morning page, but it’s still very effective in my experience.)

So in the name of daily reflection, I’m trying a new end-of-day journaling ritual that I hope you’ll find helpful. With rapid journaling, you can just write a couple of words per bullet point. No need for full-on Dear Diary prose. At the end of the day, try writing out:

• 5 things on your mind

• 4 things to do tomorrow

• 3 things you’re grateful for

• 2 things you want less of

• 1 soul moment

This list and countdown to sleep end up checking the boxes for a healthy journaling habit and is well-served in a bullet journal as well. If you have a journal of strictly 54321 reflections, back-to-back, you’ll get a good sense of what was going on in your life at any given time.

The 5 things on your mind will tell you what’s going on, either out loud or under the surface.

Four things to do tomorrow help you determine what your priorities are, and pull from what you didn’t get done that day. You can also assess whether the unchecked items on your to-do list are worth tackling tomorrow, or if you can nix them.

Daily gratitude is non-negotiable. The therapists and self-help authors in my life tell me you can’t feel both good and bad things at the same time, so by carving out space for the positive, you’ll at least have that. And it may actually help you look for the positives throughout the day so you feel more prepared for your nightly 54321 reflections.

The 2 things you want less of? This makes me so happy. If you’ve been around for a while, you know I love the quarterly subtraction exercise, where you think of things/people/events/money/etc that you can do without. It’s a great chance to test and see if you can live without something that you think is more trouble than it’s worth. This daily reflection doesn’t have to be actionable, but it can help you start to notice trends when you DO complete a quarterly subtraction exercise.

The soul moment! This is a part of your day that spoke to your identity and heart. (I didn’t come up with this on my own; I borrowed it from a friend’s planner.) How great is it that we can have time in our days that match up with what we truly stand for? If you come up empty, it might be a good opportunity to go through The Minimalism Map again. (If you don’t have a copy, email me and I’ll send the 20-page workbook to you.)

Thanks for reading!

Hit reply to chat further on any of the above. I love to hear from you. See you next week—seriously.

Be safe and well,

🖤 Jenny